Results of altercations

When we could, we just chose to not talk…
And now even if we choose, we probably will never together take a walk…
When you asked, I hesitated to take yours in my hand…
And now He says, you will never be beside me to stand…
I never said but you were and far beyond than a true friend…
And now that you are away, I just sit here alone on this cruel land…
I wish I said your words than just my rant…
And now He just left me here to know that of you there is no supplant.

Her misconceptions...

She felt, in my mind, it was all bcoz of the past.
Ain't she know, I went to the future at last.
Listen o'dear,
the storm isn't just due to a fear,
Neither it's just memories of you and mine,
But only the possibility of our destined divine.
The thought of you and me on the roof under the moon,
And the feeling that the moment shouldn't end soon,
Is probably the cause of all this selfishness and hate,
As all happiness seems out of my fate.
In the end you live anywhere,
Just know that I used to and will think of you always and not just rare.
Howmuchever you think that for you it was not fair,
He knows I tried to present the best of my care.

Partners FOREVER??

I went into oblivion after that thought in my mind which was about movies related to love and romance. I am sure that everyone can name tens of movies which are about boy trying to ting bells in girls heart and then finally then end up in love. But we have not seen many movies which tells about after that. Isn't it? But why? probably because cinema is all about what is more fun to show. Does that mean after love happens there is not much fun and passion as before? The answer is PROBABLY YES! Let us think about the time when you started falling for your partner. In many cases the people fall for others after listening to their thoughts and seeing how do the person perceive world around him. For example the guy may be telling about his views of respecting girls, or what kind of peculiarities does he observe in a girl. If the girl sees that though the guy is talking about girls IN GENERAL but still he remains more interested in typical nuances of a girl's beauty like good hairstyles, that typical glow of her skin, her body language, her smile etc., more than vital statistics of a girl, then the girl may start liking the boy. Now both confront to each other and are in a relationship finally. Now can you guess what will happen? The guy will observe other girls IN GENERAL 'AS BEFORE' and will come up with INTERESTING LOGICAL POINTS as food for thoughts SAME AS EARLIER. But the same quality of the guy for which the girl had liked him before will go against THEIR relationship. Now the girl wants herself to be THE ONLY ONE TO BE OBSERVED AND COMMENTED UPON by the guy. But I ask such girls - 'Gal! Were you lying before that you liked this thing in him or are you psycho now??'. I ask the same question to all the readers of this post, especially girls - You initially believed that you were partners forever, but are you really ACTING LIKE PARTNERS FOREVER??

Why Knowing YOURSELF is IMPORTANT?

We may have heard this from few intellectual people around us who say ONE MUST KNOW HIMSELF. Though that appears to be great words of wisdom but somehow it does not make much sense while listening to them. So let us talk about the bigger picture. The bigger picture of the whole thing is that IT REALLY DEPENDS ON THE NATURE OF THINGS THAT YOU ARE INVOLVED IN based upon which one actually realizes the importance of knowing himself. By the nature of things I broadly mean the duration of the existence of some work or feeling that one does or one endures respectively. If some work is of a very short duration and you are going to be back to your LOVABLE LIFESTYLE after a predestined duration of time, then whether you actually love the job or not or whatever dullness is associated with it, will not affect you at all. But if the work does not go with your personality or you get bothered while doing it and still you have to be involved in it with undetermined duration of time then it can be really bad. The sense of uncertainty of its completion can really shiver you from your insides. And hence if one knows himself then before committing to any long term thing he can think of possible ways that he will be able to use to calm himself and make him remain at peace while doing that complex work. So that later on when you can't quit due to some reason then you don't become dysfunctional out of anxiety and nervousness that is caused due to blank mind though mind must be working to get things done.
Thus Knowing yourself actually helps to make more conscious decisions and not fall apart when you go through tough experiences.

Dilemma in Approaches of Improvement

The only thing which one strives for in life to lead to something better is IMPROVEMENT which is actually very important also to give life its meaning. But I have observed a big problem or rather I must say a circle which keeps one from improvement though his intentions and efforts are towards improving. Well I am talking of the first phase in such endeavors i.e. of observing and finding how to actually improve. But observe what?? One can either observe himself or other people. Learning from others success or self correction are two ways. But what are the problems that one face by trying either things. In the case of self correction one is observing himself and trying to overcome his own shortcomings. But often it happens that the person is so much self engrossed in observing his own things that he either starts following his different pace of analyzing things and doesn't remain involved with others around which according to me is not a good sign. The other method where you try to learn from others also has some flaws. The flaw of getting lost in THEIR TYPE of thinking rather than FINDING YOUR INDIVIDUALITY. These two things lead to a thought in my mind that for actual improvement one must keep balance and use both techniques one by one. Observe others and learn from them. Then see whether YOU COULD HAVE adopted the same approach as them. Can there be some modifications in their approach those can be applied by you to achieve some improvement. And then you will be able to use their experience ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY.

Changes....

Probably in last couple of years I did not feel very much out of place ever and hence never realized this thing which you guys must have had experienced much before. I am talking about the changes that occur in your environment when you change your living city and hence your surroundings. I used to hear elders saying that changes are bound to occur in future which might change one completely. But frankly telling , I never undderstood the gravity of the statement. But today I have changed my belonging completely and now I realize the concept behind that statement. In this post I will just discuss a small example. Being an Indori I have this nature inherent in me : "arey bhai koi na yaar tere liye toh jaan bhi haazir hai, tu jahan bolega vahan chalenge, jo bolega voh karenge". Even in scortching heat if a friend is stuck somewhere on the road with some problem in his car we are there pushing his car to get it started. I never remember myself giving it a second thought before calling my friend for help or asking him to push my car when battery was down. IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!! THAT SEEMED TO BE THE ULTIMATE TRUTH AND WAY OF LIVING LIFE!! But what now?? why things are not that obvious?? Why do I give it a second thought ?? It all starts when you ask for something in an obvious manner and get a not so obvious answer.. :P .. "Come on dude! are you nuts! I am not getting out of my home in this heat!! ".. hehe.. It is in these sudden situations that you start hearing that voice from your inside which says to you that - "My boy ! nothing is obvious!! you have to be now more cautious!!" This voice soon talks to you even more and you CHANGE!!.. Hehe .. Finally you HAVE TO CHANGE and infact YOU WILL CHANGE !! :) ..

- Probably the ultimate key is ultimate independence. !!

Kahan hoon main[ Where am I] ?????

Bas abhi toh laga tha - HAAN YAHI HAI,
Na jaane ab kyun lagta hai ki shayad yeh bhi sahi nahin hai,
Laga tha shayad ab kisi ki kami nahin hai,
Par na jaane ab usi ehsaas par yakeen kyun nahin hai,

Sun had risen in the corner of my room with a ray of hope,
But the room's still prevailing enormous darkness kept me mired in a long rope,
It feels like I came here from nowhere,
And it strengthens fear that probably I will go nowhere from here.

My Views on Love Relationships

A very hard thing to define. Well HARD!!!!!! Really..?? This was what I used to think couple of years ago.. I used to think then that you just need a good natured girl, who is beautiful enough that you could praise her and a bit understanding...that is all.. !!!. NO. BIG NO.. these are way too complex.. TOO COMPLEX ...huh!!.. But still I would like to share some views of mine over here on this.. Love..hmm.. something that is really next to GOD.. i.e. it doesn't exist.. :P .. somewhere this mentality of 'Love next to god' is so hyped up in one's mind that they start feeling it to be something where in the partner must be like movies.. always into you and JUST INTO YOU stuff.. come on give me a break!! on screens actors have to act for only 3 hrs llike that.. being together for 3 hrs is very easy.. :P .. In real lives though I believe that it is much of a ultimate understanding and respecting and yeah ACCEPTING ONE AS HE IS.. Due to this hyping up off everything Love is more of possesiveness in youngsters minds. One should only do special things for me and not for others. again man!! give me a break.. If you like your partner this much then can other people not like that good thing of theirs. And then if the other people get a bit close you are jealous.. what is this?? Please understand everyone of you. The moment you start making love your sole life and just doing that then it becomes tough for your partner. Loving someone and respecting someone are too different things. This must overlap. If in THOSE ODD and typical situations you dont try and understand the behavior of your partner and accept him/her that way rather than creating mess then how will you be respected. If a guy has some other gal as good friend and he is flirting then it doesn't mean that he is ditching you. No.. you get to understand that it is his skill that he wants to use in a good manner to be better and jolly friends with his likable friends. If a gal is sharing her emotions with some other close friend too then understand that you may be falling a bit short to make her feel comfortable over there. I believe that in such situations it is better to make that other guy available for your gal for her problems to make her feel special. Nobody has stopped you from working on that lack of knowledge of brains on that topic. In future you will also give good enough suggestions to her and then your dream of she listening to you will also become true.. but till it doesn't become true dont make it hell for her dude. If your partner likes some things about other people and want to spend some time there then dont feel bad. Just hold their hand and say I LOVE YOU dear and I respect that you are adoring these qualities of that friend. No one is right or wrong. it may happen that your thoughts for his/her friend doesn't overlap with your partners. But till you are able to see the smile on his/her face just let it be... Help when she is in problem. dont restrict your partner is trying new things just because you dont like it.. Then see how will your partner be so damn fond of you..Do what your partner wants when his things are not actually overlapping with your current life.. and when it overlaps with your current life then just say I will not be able to accompany you in this but yeah dont worry till you dont get into problem I want you to try and handle it and prove me wrong.. if there is some misunderstanding then keep cool and give it time.. just get apart for somedays if you both are not liking each others company temporarily.. Just make it easy and convenient for your partner.. Be someone who needs least attention unlike others but is still always there for your partner. Always stand in the last place in the queue of your partner's closed ones and from there share a beautiful smile with your partner that not even the first person in the queue is able to get.. and most importantly believe in that smile from your partner.. DONT BE COMPLETE LIFE OF YOUR PARTNER (it can never be..)..BE A SMALL BUT MOST BEAUTIFUL PART OF YOUR PARTNER'S LIFE..!!!.DO MOST EXPECT THE LEAST..:)..

Bhale hi ho jaye us se kuch khata,
Kabhi na ho tum us se juda,
Jab tak tum raho uski zindagi,
Rakho na kabhi poore vishwas ki kami,
Sada uski us muskaan ko yaad rakhna,
Chahe kitna hi us se bura ho jaaye voh sab kuch bhoola dena,
Jab bhi satana sirf pyaar se hi satana,
Chup hi rehkarhar mushkil se use bachana bas kabhi na jatana.

Main Shayar toh NAHin... ;) ;) ...!!

Dil ko apna banate toh samajh aata
Humare afsane ko apnate toh samjh aata
Ki sirf shabdon se kisi ko kuch samjhaya nahin jaata
NAzron ki un ankahi baton ka bina sama banaya nahin jata

shayiri toh ek bahana hai
dil ki un gehrayiyon ko naapne ka paimana hai
jab jab unhone humein apna nahin maana hai
humare dil ne kaha ki ab inhi kuch dil se nikali awazon se unhe kuch samjhana hai.

Laakh Ichayein

Us Paison ki ik bauchar ko mein baarish samajh baitha
Mein toh laakh ichayein kar baitha
Unki ik nazar ki haami ko unka karaar samajh baitha
Mein toh laakh ichayein kar baitha
Chand lamhon ki khushi ko zindagi samajh baitha
Mein toh laakh ichayein kar baitha
Ik dost ke yaraana ko apna afsaana samajh baitha
Mein toh laakh ichayein kar baitha

Our Silent Best Friends

I wanted to write this post due to a thought which struck me while remembering one friend of mine who is very close to me and I love him. This friend has been one of those friends who speaks less but just his presence is all for you to feel good. You share things with this silent friend having a firm belief that though he doesn’t speak much as may be expected sometimes but he understands you and you feel so confident and comfortable that you go with the flow at that moment and share everything going on your mind without slightest of fear. You probably don’t need an active response from him. He replies back to you in a mysterious/miraculous way. He becomes such an important part of your life that somewhere deep in your heart you start including him while expressing your identity. I request the reader to think of one such friend in his/her life. Just think that was he ever extravagantly visible in your group or was he the dude of your group. For me the answer is that – not exactly. I don’t remember him taking lead in friend’s group ever while having parties etc. Was he the one whom you used to have THILWAI when in mood always or do typical masti. But then how come he is so integral part of your life. The answer which I can think of now is that he was probably a SILENT BEST friend who due to his magical nature created that impact in your life. I am really cherishing some moments going on in my mind about this friend of mine. It is a great feeling.

Are you really LIVING YOUR Way????

Hi Guys.... Today an awesome thing happened and this led me to writing of this new post. I played volleyball after so many years and that too good enough to get satisfied. :) .. Well since I have come back to my apartment I have smile on my face and a good feeling. When I analysed it , it came out to be those games of volleyball that I played there on the court. I was shocked to feel that way. Why??? Because since last 6 years or so I think of sports as something which is not at all my cup of tea. But here I shall mention that during my school times I was crazy about volleyball. I played in Indore, Bangalore and Delhi. Used to feel so passionate about it during those days that even in summers , under the scortching heat I used to play it. My nose used to bleed because of some nerves problem .. but I used to play. But I really dont know when and how it just got out of my life... And I completely forgot about all that since years. This has somewhere infact come as a shock to me that the thinking that I used to have since last couple of years was actually a myth. The question is not just that one should play sports. Now I put up the ultimate question -- Have you really being living your life your way in these years???????.. ... Just question yourself that have you also, like me, somewhere forgotten some passion of yours and could feel revived if it comes back... We tend to get mad so much into this competetive world that probably to compete with mates we stopped giving time to such inner passions and go to coachings to learn bloody C++, Java, .NET.. Friends, there may be something of this sort which probably if you start again then you will gain back that momentum in life and feel good about everything in your current day-to-day life. Do give it a thought.. this is a really serious question to figure out ...BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!

P.S. - Today I remember couple of my friends from past, whom I used to enjoy playing volleyball with... Sagun Nagar, a friend from Delhi.. we both used to play volleyball with a school team daily in morning and used to cherish that everyday... miss u bhai.. Prakhar Dadhich.. the friend with whom I joined classes to learn volleyball when we were kids... Love you too bro.. Nishant (from SICA ) .. i dont know wherer is he currently .. but I still rmember his expertise in foot-volleyball.... All your guys faces were flashing infront of me today.. Bless you guys.. :) ..

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Extension from Friends:
Aashita Sharma: life is all about perseverance.if you have decided to pursue something, you'll definitely find time for that. We let our childhood passions die for the sake of bigger things in life but actually bigger things give pleasure only when the smaller ones are retained.i've seen that even if m doing good in career but if i dont extract time for drawing (which is my passion), i begin to feel a lack of colours in life.and if someday everythin is against me,if i just take a paper n pencil n sketch something, then with each line being sketched, a sense of peace surrounds me n by the time i finish with it,i find myself smiling.this has happened a lot many times. Actually such predilections are the ones that we develop in our childhood, with a pure heart and so they, without our knowledge contribute to our real self. That is why when suddenly someday a forgotten childhood liking comes our way, we are able to realise the real self that we were missing. However busy we
may get, however successful we may become but such small n precious childhood hobbies n inclinations must always be kept intact for they treasure the real "us".

Difference between feeling something completely versus feeling it partially to certain extent....

This article is written by me while being in a deep thought process when I was emotionally feeling grief about something and I tried to sing ( for those who don't know, I can sing a bit ) but I was not able to produce actual SUR. My voice was shaking. At that moment I remembered words of Rahat Fateh Ali khan Sahab that you must feel the actual pain to sing a song , which depicts pain, in a perfect manner. But when I tried to sing some song to placate myself I was not able to sing it at all though I knew that I was feeling every nuance of that grief. At that moment of time I realized a thing - When you are actually in pain you become helpless. If we take the analogy of great sufi singers also, that they are able to feel the pain of every song they sing then I think we are wrong. They are like those well wishers or good friends in our lives who can just see things superficially, howmuchever they try , because at last they are able to do all other stuff of regular routine of their lives, like they are able to still sing the songs with perfection without their own voice trembling, but we who actually are suffering, are not able to do any stuff properly, similar to the situation where I was not able to sing at all at that very moment. I dont know whether this content is good enough to explain my point , so I will phrase it in single line - I have nothing against any friend or my well wishers but the truth is that howmuchever they try I am the only person who can understand the actual grief or problem that I am going through and struggling with, but still I am thankful to them that during that time when I am not able to speak up because my voice is shaking they help me and sooth me by understanding the grief to certain extent if not fully.

HI GUYS!!!!! A Welcome Note

Hi friends. I am Akshay Agrawal. An engineer by profession. I know that it makes no sense to come up with this welcome note after 3 articles. But I was just waiting for some of my friends to read them already so that when I wirte this welcome note I feel that I am communicating with atleast someone. I would jut like to describe the cause of creating this blog. First of all I would like to say that i am not a good writer, that everyone could see by the poor construction of the content in the posts. But one thing used to bet here with me. That I used to have discussions with my friends on almost anything and my friends used to appreciate my point of views. I could not start this blog since so much time but suddenly with the first article I felt that this is a satisfying thing to do. Hence I have started it. I welcome everyone here. I am open to making new and great friends. I hope we form a large group here by which I could also improve and get more satisfied. ;) .

A simple analogy for MTV True Life

I really am liking to see some of the episodes of MTV true life. For those who dont know what is it about - MTV true life is about some individuals who have some typical inherent characteristics in their nature or life which leads them to take their life in a different way than the general people. For example, one of the episode depicts an individual who enjoys and gets satisfied by his own pain, and that he accepts in a pure form to lead his life with satisfaction and happiness because he knows that finally he is not harming anyone including himself. Though I am not interested to try out such intense ways of satisfaction , one thing I really realized was that everyone does believe that something is typically odd about him that is going on to which he or she doesn't understand the cause of and are fearful of future due to that. I will just discuss a simple example - a guy has a problem that he can't be alone for the whole weekend at home probably though other friends of his are easily able to be at home with their laptop watching movies and doing fine. Actually the guy has the problem of feeling himself completely out of place even if he is left alone for a single eve. I know this is not a very great example but I would just like to say that there is no problem with the guy in the example to worry about. He just has a different perception of a blank weekend. As depicted in the serial , MTV true life, the youth must try and analyze these odd things about themselves, take them positively and come up with good enough remedies to tackle this rather than feeling out of place. Another example which comes to my mind is of a guy who likes to flirt with gals initially but then later on he develops a very good and supportive friendship with them. Though he may be guilty initially that he must not play around with gals emotions but the truth is that finally it comes to good end. So what to be guilty about. You may take somethings a bit differently initiially but if they lead to good and satisfaction then you must accept them positively. I hope that this perception of mine about MTV true life helps some people who feel out of the place or get tensed about some of their habit and reactions.

P.S. - I have taken this kind of topic for the first time into writing. So please respond in a constructive manner if the content was not having much flow according to you. Positive feedback is welcomed. :)

Lady - You MUST have had taken STAND!! Atleast for THEM.

I am writing this content to gather discuss a common issue and gather people’s views on this. This is a common issue that most of the simple Indian ladies, who are housewives, are facing.This is the problem of bad marriage. I am not using the term “Failed Marriage” because we know that in India there are so many examples of bad marriages but still small ratio of divorces to those marriages.A bad marriage is one where the wife is simple or I must say JUST NOT COMPATIBLE with her husband [ in high societies] and where the husband is a bullshit [ lower grade society]. In both the cases the environment of the home is not very good for children. Well we see many organisations who have stood up to take care of such things. They say that women are suffering alot in such situations. That is true. They try to motivate ladies who are victim of such cases to fight for their rights, their own future and many other things. But I think today I have a much better point to motivate them. Let us go through a general story. In a home [ if you can call it a home ], the husband used to treat his family very badly. The mom used to somehow manage to keep the kid physically away from this in hope that the kid won’t ever develop any bad psychology due to this. Many a times she was advised to take up a stand and get separated. But she would act typically like a bhartiya naari. And also would say that I am fearful and what is the necessity. I am able to keep my son out of this all and bare everything on myself. I think I will be able to sustain. Years passed and she used to be recognized for her patience. Her son became a part of youth. Got a job and went to some other state far away from his native one. But their he faced a major problem. He was having habit to try and gain sympathy .Ofcourse we know that someone who has nature to gain sympathy is always bullied. Well can you answer at this point why kid had this problem though according to his mother he was given a proper atmosphere?? Well the answer lies here. Though mother never used to say directly anything to her son but used to remain sad and always in habit to seek someone to share and gain sympathy in a positive sense to feel that atleast there is someone. Now I ask you all that what will this have an impact on a kid. He will obviously learn the same if he is simple at heart. And later he faces the problem in his life. Just if the lady would have understood that she must take some stand atleast for the sake of her son then he would not be facing this all in his life.
I hope everyone sees here that just to stick to typical BHARTIYA NAARI PRATHA where the husband was not at all acting like a BHARTIYA SABHYA MANUSHYA , she unknowingly made her son suffer. Hence, I want to request all those ladies who are doing the same mistake to ATLEAST TAKE SOME STAND otherwise your CHILDREN are for sure to suffer.

Were you really MOTIVATED??

I want to bring everyone's attention to a major problem that the youth from normal engineering colleges in India is facing. This is the problem of false kind of motivation. I remember myself and couple of my friends eating snacks in canteen when suddenly a concerned friend among us would say - "We must start studying friends. It is almost mid of the semester and we have not studied a single word!!", and majority replying to him- "Dude! We will be able to do everything at the end as we have done till now in previous semesters. Anyways howmuchever we will try the actual studies will be done during last two nights". Well, after saying all this everyone used to feel that the concerned guy was stupid and the others in majority were brave and intelligent enough to do everything in last. This was the semester long routine since 1st semester till 8th semester of bachelors degree. No one ever tried to think beyond about the human nature or principles that was causing this phenomenon. Though everyone used to see daily that some IITian has developed some gadget, some MIT student has developed a novel algorithm, no one ever thought that the kind of motivational thoughts that they were encountering during the semester exams were really motivating enough to lead them to produce an example like an IITian or MIT student. I would mention one more thing about the exam times which might partially give the answer to the issue that I just broguht up. During the actual exam times , on the night just previous to the exam, everyone used to be silent and just studying , studying, studying to complete half the course. the next day 75% of paper used to have patent questions and rest 25% were new enough that whatever you write as their answers you will be getting atleast half the marks. Finally, results used to be out and everyone who got 65% or more used to be walking with immense pride and confidence. Now I ask everyone , "What is the motivational feeling that you see here?". I see MOTIVATION DUE TO FEAR. Just one day before the exam when everyone used to be immensely fearful they used to study alot. If we compare that situation from what prevails now in their jobs or in general in their life then I don't think that something is fearsome enough as exam. Now NO EXAM NO MOTIVATION. Friends, this is the problem that mediocre engineering college students are facing these days in India. they are not able to learn the most important thing i.e. finding the right way to motivate themselves and finding the right reasons for it. Magnanimous inventions don't take place without motivation. Now there are long term deadlines in life to tackle and dedicate to, but you can't remain fearful for months or years together to remain motivated. During college times it used to be matter of 1-2 weeks, and hence the motivation used to pay off positively. I hope this point brought up by me is taken up properly by the young students still in college.

P.S. : Some might argue after reading the above content that they gained lot courage to handle situations where there are surprises and sudden attacks or very less time left. I do accept that motivation due to fear gives you this confidence but what about the other times when there are no sudden surprises or when you have enough time to prepare a lot but then because you just get motivated to work at last you produce minimum amount of work?